Moving Dirt

As far as most of them knew, the Mole People and the Worm People had always had a fairly peaceful coexistence, even if it was a bit uneasy at times. Several years back, the leaders of both people decided that since they all live in the same underground places that they may as well get along with each other.  It was a bit rough at the start, with the worm people still calling the mole people “blinkers” and the mole people calling the worm people “dirt eaters” but as the years passed, they all got used to it.  Since both societies did the same thing, moved dirt around and dug tunnels, they spent a decent amount of time together, sharing tricks and learning about each other.  There was never going to be a time where an observer could mistake the two for each other. Mole People, with their think dark hair and tiny eyes looked nothing like the Worm People with their glistening, brown skin and featureless faces. But they intermingled and had a fairly harmonious existence.  So it was quite a shock to the people of Cavechester when the Beetle People arrived. They looked mean, with their shiny black skin, angry looking mouths and those bizarre things sticking out of their heads. Living underground, both the Worm People and the Mole people had always had cable and didn’t understand what antennae were, so they nicknamed the new people “Stickheads”.  

A few days after the Beetle People arrived a meeting was arranged between the leaders of the three groups. It was a bit rough, as the Beetle People tried to explain that they weren’t there to eat everybody and they didn’t like being called Stickheads. It took several attempts to explain what their antennae were for, but eventually the Mole People and Worm People understood.  The Beetle People told the story of their migration from RottingTree and the dangers of the surface world. They showed some of their own techniques for moving dirt around and even demonstrated how other things could be moved around. Stuff like dead wood, leaves, mushrooms, and rocks. So, after a rocky start, the three different peoples began to coexist and everything continued to be peaceful.

Unfortunately for the residents of Cavechester, they had chosen their location poorly. It seems the giants that roamed the surface world that only the bravest of the brave Cavechestertons had even seen thought that this plot of land would be an excellent place to test weapons.  And test them they did. Usually it was giant machines that shook the whole town, or bizarre sticks that were extremely loud. These caused headaches and minor anxiety, especially among the Mole People who were known to worry easily; but they weren’t any reason for serious concern, and the people of Cavechester learned to deal with it.  But then one day, everything changed.  It seems the surface dwellers had a new weapon to test, the Mole People, Worm People and Beetle People could never have described the weapon, but it didn’t matter. The weapon was a bomb, and the surface giants dropped it and killed all of the people in Cavechester.

Ted's Lament

It wasn't the first time that he had been slapped with a fish, but that didn't make it any easier. It was getting harder and harder to find good pastries in this town.You've probably heard the phrase "a face that just makes you want to hit him", well Ted had that face. It wasn't just an expression either. Everywhere that he went, people tended to strike Ted in the face. Sometimes they'd slap him, or punch him, or hit him with a rolled up newspaper, or even smack him with a fish (usually a dead one). There's really no coming back from getting hit in the face with a dead fish. No matter what you do, everybody will remember the incident as some guy hitting smacked across the face with a fish. They'll remember the sound, that THWACK as cold, scaly flesh met warm, soft cheek. Knowing this, Ted didn't even bother with any sort of rebuttal, he just repeated his order for a half dozen plain bagels. The clerk behind the counter grabbed a piece of tissue paper and with the rustling and crinkling of the paper set about filling Ted's order. A few moments later, Ted exited the bakery with his bagels in hand and a red mark on his face. The patrons of the bakery barely even acknowledged the events which had just taken place. They just continued on eating their doughnuts and croissants, sipping their coffees and living their lives without the fear that random people would hit them in the face. Ted had no such luxury. In fact, as soon as he walked out of the bakery, an old woman hit him with an umbrella. For somebody who had survived a lifetime of blows to the face, this was still a bit confusing for Ted. "Why did this woman have an umbrella?", he thought to himself. It was a nice day and the forecast did not call for any rain. Ted shrugged and just wrote it off as a crazy old lady that always carried an umbrella.  People hit him all the time, and it barely registered in their minds. It was almost as natural as covering their mouth when they coughed. Witnesses stood by and did nothing, barely reacting at all. One time, a policeman watched as a waitress at a Applebee's struck Ted before taking his order. In this case, the policeman didn't idly stand by. No, he walked over and also hit Ted in the face. With his steak, no less!  Ted had long ago given up trying to rationalize any of this. He just accepted it. If he was to be perfectly honest, he'd tell you that he sometimes hit himself across the face when looked at his reflection.  It wasn't just people, either. Birds had been known to dive bomb his face, cats and dogs swiped at it with their paws, and bees were constantly stinging him.  Ted wasn't bothered by any of it. He no longer flinched, he didn't even bother to try to defend himself against the constant facial onslaughts. There was no way around it, Ted just had one of those faces, and he had learned to live with it.